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| So here is how it all played out:
4.00am: wake the f*** up girl its time for the grind.
I left the house late, forgot my cell phone, and just barely missed my bus.
So I got to campus later than I wanted but still managed to find Uyen in the cafeteria. She gave me her calculator.
I ran down to Biology lecture and promptly slept through it.
After bio was chem, and after chem I went to candi's office to call jamie about downtown.
Jamie and I managed to finish that lab in an hour flat. Jamie brought me back to gibbs around 2.10pm.
I went and printed my calculus stuff in the library, filled it out in the caff, and showed up to the class twenty minutes late (still ten minutes before the test started).
Did the test, left early and ran into tanya on my way out.
Sat with Tanya for 3 hours to finish up my lab report drawings.
7.00pm: Went home, conked the f*** out.
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| I am all strung out right now. I've got just a few too many assignments due, and a few too many concepts un-comprehended. But most of all, I'm still reeling from yesterday with Payden. He flew down from NC to break his lease, so I spent Saturday night with him once I got off work. As much as I want the best for him, I can't hide the fact that I don't want him to go. And even though I'd love to leave Florida with him, I can't let my calling go to voicemail. I've got opportunities here! I've got to keep my GPA up, you know? I want to finally get involved with my campus the way I never did in high school. I want all of the professors to know my name.
But I guess I can be grateful for all of this, even though it hurts; Its showing me how much I care about him. I can hardly wait to finish my degree. Its going to be a long year without him. I wish I had an outlet. I want to dance, or skate, or swim... I want to punch something until my fist bleeds. I've got too much emotion boiling over in me.
Tomorrow will be a day of many cigarettes.
Tomorrow will also be a grind:
I've got to print my Calculus problems and fill them out at 8am.
Then I have to meet with Uyen before running down to Biology lecture.
After that I'll be reviewing in Chemistry for Wednesday's test.
Jamie will be driving me to the Downtown lab so we can finish up Tuesday night's lab.
At 2:40 I'll be starting my first calculus test, and if there is still work to be done downtown I'll head back over there.
Then I've got to catch a bus at William's Park, where homeless people fucking sleep on the sidewalks at night :/
And then I've got to finish my lab report!
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| I've been working non-stop all weekend for the Undergraduate Research Society,
Kenan (prez) and Jeff (vp) have put me in charge of organizing all the data we've got into one stop and streamlining communication...
agh I've really got to go and catch the bus now
oh well. I guess I can't feel stagnant anymore with such big things going on. | | |
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This is Spyrogyra. Tell me we don't live in a beautiful world.
I was able to take this photo during Dr. Gartner's lab today because one of my coworkers covered my "on call." I'm lucky he did, because I probably would have quit right then and there. I NEEDED to go to Dr. G's lab, because I didn't finish all of my work Tuesday.
This Saturday I plan on collaborating with Kenan, the president of the Undergraduate Research Society, to swap photos and lab report info.
coooooool shiiiiiiiit.
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| I spent all of Thursday crying.
I spent all of Friday night with him.
I spent all of Saturday with him.
I spent all of Sunday with him.
I left Monday night.
Sometime in all of that I realized that nothing is going to happen to us.
It is just going to be a long long time before I get to fall asleep next to him.
We took pictures. There is so much they don't capture.
But its okay. Those are all of the things I could never forget.
So now, I have to work really hard. I've got to make myself a stellar student, so that when I transfer out of state I can get good scholarships.
I'm joining the engineers club. I'm joining the research society. I'll apply to honors college, then join phi theta kappa. I'll take challenging classes and make stellar grades.
I'll tutor. I'll mentor. I'll do everything to make my days fly by until we're together again. | | |
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